After childbirth, many women consider their wedding day to be the second-most memorable and significant event of their lives. At last, the bride gets to satisfy a burning need that she’s wanted to fulfill since childhood. Not only does she acquire a new last name and new challenges, she now has the title of “wife” — a woman disenchanted with and disconnected to facile infatuations with Mr. Wrongs.
Gone are the days of meaningless, short-term relationships. She has finally found her soul mate. But before feeling fundamentally complete with Mr. Right, generating erotic energy within one’s self is vitally important because nobody can love you like you.
COME OUT OF YOUR SEXUAL SHELL
Sexual confidence comes from understanding your body, accepting it and feeling comfortable inside it. Sexual confidence means knowing what turns you on and discovering what pleases your man; and knowing how to achieve your own sexual joy. This confidence comes with the understanding that sex and lovemaking is not just intercourse. It envelopes hugging, kissing, caressing, nibbling, biting, tongue bathing, blowing, tickling, sucking, fondling and stroking.
How do you learn to verbally express erotic and sensual needs when society has created different expectations for men and women? Men are encouraged to tell the world what they want, but we have been taught docility since birth. Disregard and silence are supposed to be the best weapons in explicit situations, but they are more like a double-edged sword. When it comes to expressing the way we feel regarding sex, some of us don’t know how to say the right “buzzwords.” Depending on where and how Sisters were raised, words like “eroticism” and “orgasm” may never have come up.
Sexual feeling comes from within. Eroticism is a state of sexual arousal. It can, at times, be a type of literary stimulus or an artistic item possessing a concupiscent theme or quality. An orgasm is the climax of a sexual excitement, typically occurring toward the end of coitus. And sex is not just reaching orgasm, but achieving pleasure, too.
I WANT YOUR SEX!
We are all born sexy. As we grow we learn, experience and develop our own preferences regarding sex. Once a magnetic attraction happens between two people, something deep and sensual represents an urge that is often psychological and spiritual.
But to achieve the ultimate level of sexual ecstasy as an individual and as a couple, you must discover yourself and break the sexual taboos you have. Doing so will unlock the door to hidden dreams, desires, fantasies and ecstasy.
Lovemaking should be playful, unselfish and fulfilling. Contrary to popular belief, intercourse isn’t the only way to satisfy orgiastic impulses and sexually-related needs. Reading erotica, watching porn and voyeurism are just some of the elements of the erotic journey.
The “look but don’t touch” method can be quite rewarding, according to Angie X, a stripper. Without regret, she says, “I make so much money from men and women who want me to be a part of their fantasies. I don’t lead them to believe that a threesome is gonna happen. What I do is help create a mood. Fantasy is fun. Couples need to learn how to explore with each other.”
TAKE IT OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM
Not ready to delve beyond the safety zone of your present sexual state? There are several non-threatening exercises that can bring you closer to your erotic odyssey. One suggestion: wear clothes that make you feel good. Sexy lingerie, plunging necklines and form-fitting outfits are just some ides that will help you become aware of your body and the emotions it exudes. Experiment with jewelry and makeup. A pair of Jimmy Choo’s or a new piece of jewelry can make you feel sexy.
Genital exploration or “masturbation” is another good place to start when venturing out to find your sexual confidence. Don’t be afraid to touch yourself. You need to learn and find out what makes your body react. Many of us are not comfortable touching our private spots because we’ve been told it’s “naughty” or forbidden. We cruise the vagina with a towel for hygienic purposes, but we never explore. We never learn what touches feel good and which ones feel uncomfortable or painful. Try rubbing the clitoral hood with the tip of your finger. This should trigger a process of involuntary muscular contractions throughout your body. Genital exploration, after finding the right spots, generally causes a female to experience an orgasm —and that’s a good thing!
Taking time out for you is a definite way to finding your inner sexual being. Create a romantic setting just for you. Pour yourself a glass of wine and put on your favorite lingerie. Light a scented candle. Listen to some soft, sultry music and have an intimate session with you. Perhaps reading a few pages of a good erotica will help you relax.
Concentrate on finding out what feels good. Move your fingers slowly over your body, paying attention to its reaction. Run your fingers through your pubic hair, over your breasts. Race the contours of your labia, stroke around the clitoris and brush the palm of your hand against the opening of your vagina. Without concentrating on reaching orgasm, pay attention to what areas produce sensations so that you can tell your partner what you enjoy during pillow talk.
Vibrators and other sex toys can be an intricate part of exploring one’s self. Though no substitute, they provide an extra sensation in the ritual of skin stimulation. Being open-minded and communicating with your partner are the keys to eternal pleasure.
Embarking upon self-satisfying sexual adventures is both healthy and productive. But what may turn one person on may turn another off. To find what turns you on means experimenting one-on-one and together. Taking time to pamper yourself, paying attention to the little details — perfume, makeup and accessories — can help you feel more at ease.
As you relax, consider delving deeper. Mirrors, according to some sex experts, have always been an important part of sexual furniture in any bedroom. They turn love into a viewing without loss of privacy. And that can be a turn-on, as voyeurism is a turn-on for most people. Watching yourself or others allows you to vicariously live out intimate fantasies. Porn, when used properly, can become part of your sexual being, individually and as a couple.
Your sensual journey is what you make of it. By releasing the taboos society has placed on sex, and placing trust within yourself and your partner, you unlock the door to our hidden desires, dreams and obsessions — to your erotic inner-self.