How to Talk Dirty to Your Partner

Man and Woman Intimate Black and White Shadow Portrait Hand on Face

Talking dirty always seems so easy in the movies, but in real life, it can feel very awkward. 

Dirty talk during sex can make people feel embarrassed; however, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. 

Dirty talk is very erotic and something that a lot of couples are into, according to research. Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., a research fellow at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, found that 93% of women had fantasized about their partner talking dirty to them, and 56% fantasized about it often. Dirty talk can really take sex to the next level and allow you to be more present in the moment. If you’re trying to spice things up in your sex life, here are a few tips on how to talk dirty to your partner without it being awkward. 

Keep it simple 

You don’t need to dive into the deep end and channel your inner porn star. Be authentic. Not sure what to say? Begin by describing how your partner makes you feel—just verbalizing the fact that they’re turning you on is a good way to start. Or try asking them what they’d like you to do to them or describe what you’d like them to do to you. Look for inspiration in sexy books, porn that you find hot, fan fiction and movies. Think of a way of saying it that makes you feel a little more you. You can start off by trying a few slightly dirty things, then work your way up to whatever level of filth you’re comfortable with.

Create anticipation

Part of the appeal of talking dirty is the anticipation of what’s to come. So, describing exactly what you plan to do to your partner before you actually do it helps to build up sexual tension. And this can start long before you reach the bedroom—whisper your dirty plans in their ear while you’re out together at an event or send them a naughty text while at work. Since you’ll have them thinking about it from that moment on, they’ll likely be increasingly turned on until the moment you make good on your promise. Basically, you’ll just initiate foreplay very far in advance. 

It’s all about the delivery

One of the secrets to great dirty talk isn’t just what you say but how you say it. A surefire way to make anything sound sexier? Whisper it. Try to keep your voice low and the delivery slow. This also helps if you’re still feeling a little shy, since it’s often easier to whisper something than to say it out loud. Changing the tone of your voice might also help you get a little more comfortable with dirty talk, as sometimes hearing our day-to-day voice say something highly erotic can feel alien, but adopting a different tone in the bedroom can help ease our awkwardness.

Practice makes perfect

You can actually start talking dirty on your own. The idea of practicing sex talk may sound stupid, but it’s actually an easy way to figure out what your comfort levels are, and what words and phrases you like and don’t. If you feel shy, start with moaning. Let out a few sighs or groans or breathe heavily. Try saying a few simple things, like “that feels good” or “yes.” You can do this while touching your body or masturbating to get a sense of what it’s like to be verbal when you’re feeling stimulated.

Remember, dirty talk looks different to everyone, and there is no right way to do it. Building your own confidence with it is the sexiest thing you can do.